Is there pleasure in pain...?

Lying in bed

Waiting for the alarm to ring

So that I control the shrillness

Before it shatters the silence of the moment



That's what I seem to be all about

The wait. The silence. The chaos thereafter.



I wait

For the light to peep through the curtains

For the darkness to go from black to grey

Dreading the end of this fragile moment of peace



I wait

For the silence to speak

Because words have failed me

Mundane expressions that are meaningless at the best,

mocking my thoughts at the worst



I wait

For the chaos that is to come

That always follows this deep stillness

That disrupts the mundane -

I await my moment of ruin...


I await my nemesis
And masochism wins.