Is intoxication the best way to escape reality?
The reality that unsettles us? Or the reality that disappoints us?
Alcohol, passion, lust, obsessions, wanderlust. They fill you up, consume your thoughts…provide you relief, if only for a little while – from what your life is, lulling you into experiencing what it could be. So that when you wake up to reality it is a strange mixture of exhilaration, from having lived your dream – and a gut-wrenching pain, from realizing dreams shatter.
But what stops me from going after what I really want? I keep asking myself and I throw up no answers. Except for the fact that somewhere, deep down inside, I know my desires and dreams will be frowned upon. Somewhere, deep down inside, I want to fit in in spite of wanting to stand out. Somewhere, deep down inside, I am afraid of the strong possibility that I may be afraid.
Imaginary voyeurism is my poison of choice. World’s that I don’t inhabit, a life that is not mine, stories that I want to live and the furtive manifestation of desires that I ruthlessly suppress otherwise.
And then I wake up the morning after and I wonder…does intoxication help me in getting answers?
Not really. It does something even better.
It helps me in forgetting the questions.
Momentarily.
Mercifully.
2 comments:
I leave this comment not for one of ur posts, but for all of 'em at large.... Sometimes things are just meant to be.. meant to be found, meant to be heard, meant to be stumbled upon.. and nothing is the same again...
It is b this chance meant to be that I found ur blog.... and ur words, coiling, twining, found their way into me, and stayed... perhaps because I'm a writer too.. perhaps because because so much of what's here is in my soul too.. or perhaps this was just a chance meant to be... to feel like you know someone just by virtue of their prose... surreal...
But thank you, for the nostalgia,and for the sister-hood, and for these 26 letters arranged and re-arranged, boldly speaking a language whose music only some of us can hear... Kudos :-)
Thank you :) That was beautifully put. Honoured.
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