Snippets

He: I wanted to take the road not taken
She: Why didn't you?
He: I ended up taking a detour
She: And the road not taken remained ignored

He: Who are you to question me? You don't own me?
She: No. But I thought we belonged to each other

She: But I love you, even if you don't. I cannot imagine walking away from you
He: This conversation scares me

He: Did you see that? What are those? Solar flares?
She: Nope. Just flashes of my blinding brilliance

She: I want someone who can be my best friend and my boyfriend
He: That's not possible. Those two are mutually exclusive

She: Why do you want to be with me
He: I don't know. I guess because I can tolerate you


She: You are my soul mate
He: No I'm not. Soul mates are big things. What we have is small and too insignificant.

She: I am not made for fidelity
He: Infidelity is not a bad thing
She: Yes. But it's so sad


She: I don't know how we got here
He: How does it matter?

It never really does, does it?

Is there pleasure in pain...?

Lying in bed

Waiting for the alarm to ring

So that I control the shrillness

Before it shatters the silence of the moment



That's what I seem to be all about

The wait. The silence. The chaos thereafter.



I wait

For the light to peep through the curtains

For the darkness to go from black to grey

Dreading the end of this fragile moment of peace



I wait

For the silence to speak

Because words have failed me

Mundane expressions that are meaningless at the best,

mocking my thoughts at the worst



I wait

For the chaos that is to come

That always follows this deep stillness

That disrupts the mundane -

I await my moment of ruin...


I await my nemesis
And masochism wins.

Nothing much to say...

Is intoxication the best way to escape reality?

The reality that unsettles us? Or the reality that disappoints us?

Alcohol, passion, lust, obsessions, wanderlust. They fill you up, consume your thoughts…provide you relief, if only for a little while – from what your life is, lulling you into experiencing what it could be. So that when you wake up to reality it is a strange mixture of exhilaration, from having lived your dream – and a gut-wrenching pain, from realizing dreams shatter.

But what stops me from going after what I really want? I keep asking myself and I throw up no answers. Except for the fact that somewhere, deep down inside, I know my desires and dreams will be frowned upon. Somewhere, deep down inside, I want to fit in in spite of wanting to stand out. Somewhere, deep down inside, I am afraid of the strong possibility that I may be afraid.

Imaginary voyeurism is my poison of choice.  World’s that I don’t inhabit, a life that is not mine, stories that I want to live and the furtive manifestation of desires that I ruthlessly suppress otherwise.  

And then I wake up the morning after and I wonder…does intoxication help me in getting answers?

Not really. It does something even better.

It helps me in forgetting the questions.

Momentarily.

Mercifully.