Saturday, March 16, 2013

I want you - and I'm not afraid to say it!

People talk
About my image
Like I come in two dimensions
Like lipstick is a sign of my declining mind
Like what I happen to be wearing
The day that someone takes a picture
Is my new statement for all of womankind
 - Ani DiFranco

Is desire only a man's prerogative?

Sex, lust, passion, the need to have someone and the right to go up and tell him about it - is that a gender-based privilege? Or worse still, a law of nature. People seem to assume that women cannot feel pure physical need. They can only satiate a man's need and take whatever pleasure she gets in the bargain gratefully, submissively.

And when women express their desires, their needs, their fantasies - then it's usually accompanied by slightly raised eyebrows, embarrassed laughter, a shifting of eyes. Even the so-called progressive men are taken aback...and not sure how to handle it.

Not that some men don't love women who take charge. They do. But then these women are hardly considered the 'take home to mom' variety. As if having a sexual drive, a basic human quality, somehow makes them a tad bizarre and unpredictable.

Today, if I like a man, want him - and go and tell him about it, I'm not sure of what the consequences will be. And I'm not talking about rejection. I'm talking about the character evaluation that follows. And that is never the case for men, is it? If a man tells you he wants you - you might say yes, might say no, might throw a drink in his face. But then you think, 'men will be men' and that's that.

Now switch to a woman saying the same thing. No matter what the response, it's almost always unconsciously followed by a 'My, but she's forward isn't she'. And sometimes - 'Oh. She's asking for sex. She's super easy'.

We might ask for it - because we want it. Just as you do. When the time is right. The person is right. Doesn't make us desperate just as it doesn't make you a loser.

And we are so conditioned, that if a man rejects our advances, we go beyond feeling mere dejection. We guilt-trip ourselves to exhaustion thinking about what he must be 'thinking' about us. But why? Why do we waste our thoughts on the opinion of someone who doesn't give a hoot for our feelings?

Ever stopped to wonder why there are such an abundance of sex toys for women, and so few for men? Nope- it's not because society is overly concerned about a woman's satisfaction. It's because everyone secretly knows, that women are not always in a position to demand satisfaction of a man and men are not always capable of giving it. It's not a physical thing - it's psychological.

Yet, the desire doesn't go away - hence the handy little tools. Tools that are bought furtively, laughed over, used but never talked about, and then hidden away in drawers.

Along with a woman's needs.