Someone once told me that I'm like a Rubik's cube. Different faces, different colours - and the process of figuring me out is both fascinating and frustrating.
I've never been paid a bigger compliment. Or a crueler one.
It's a complete Catch 22 situation isn't it. If someone doesn't figure me out, I'm lost. If someone does, then they will probably run for their lives :)
You see, we tend to be essentially selfish people. Caught up in our unrealistic dreams, unmet expectations, trying to carve out an identity that doesn't make us feel like just another speck in the crowd. We don't really have the time to listen to others hopes and dreams, to take care of their secrets when they trust us enough to open up to us.
We live in fishbowls for the better parts of our lives. And when we suddenly see someone tapping their finger on that glass, we realize two things all at once.
That there are people on the other side of that glass who have gotten out, who are experiencing a whole new world.
And that we have no fucking clue how to get there.
And then we are stuck - too cramped to be cozy and too secure to jump out. We keep thinking of the life beyond the bowl. We keep imagining what it will be like to live. But we mostly just settle for the water being changed in our container.
And in all that, in trying to survive, in going round in circles, in swimming with the current - only a couple of things remain.
The realization that we can either be good - or be happy.
Be good, do what everyone expects you to do, live life by the book. Or be happy - live life on your terms, perhaps disappoint some people, exasperate others, but not be restricted by a convex view of life.
Sometimes you can be both - but for that, you perhaps need to run alone.
Run really, really hard - so that you're short of breath and your sides hurt
Run - so that you can leave the beaten track behind and try a whole new path
Run - and hope that somewhere someone can keep pace with you.
And if you manage to cross the finish line and get on to a podium defined by your dreams - then that's the biggest win you can hope for.
It doesn't matter what you've achieved, what matters is you decided your own destination and defined your own path to get there.
And if someone has run that race with you, understood your need to keep moving and kept pace - well then you've solved the puzzle. You've become more than a speck in the crowd.
But heere's the thing. Most days, we don't even have the time to figure ourselves out.
And here we are hoping someone else will get it.