Sunday, October 27, 2013


I'm beginning to prefer silences. Increasingly, conversations seem meaningless.

We are always talking. Look around you, there is an endless hum of conversation. But most of the time, no one is listening. Most of the time, we are only pretending to understand. Or care.

We talk - to fill gaps within moments. Uncomfortable, worried almost, about the silence that fills everything so immediately, automatically. Like water filtering through sand. Making it to some - heavy, muddy, unweildy.

You say those gaps are claustrophobic. I say they are like a breath of fresh air. Unpolluted by expectations. If you really let them, those gaps can set you free.

We talk to each other to avoid being questioned about our thoughts. We argue and fight - about things that will hold no meaning for us by this time next month. We offer platitudes simply to maintain cordiality. We exchange meaningless banter - so that we don't need to pay attention to the voices inside our head. The voices that make us uncomfortable with their clarity of thought. Or the lack of it.

When was the last time you were truly honest with someone. When you told someone close to you exactly what you thought, what you felt? Can you even remember? If you look back, do you see words filled with stark honesty - or do you see sentences uttered to preserve peace, to spare the other person's feelings - even if it's at the cost of your peace of mind, at the cost of what you really want.

When was the last time you really, really poured your heart out?

Without fear of being accused of insensitivity
Without fear of ridicule and rejection
Without fear of being misunderstood
Without fear of the consequences

Without fear of being viewed as too opinionated, melodramatic, belligerent, stubborn, stupid, idealistic, selfish...I could go on.

Perhaps that's why I seek you out. Our tiny bursts of conversation are so easy. And they say so much. And sometimes, our mutual ease with silence says so much more.

It's within these moments that I can tell my heart to just be. And my head, to shut up.