I realized something in past few weeks.
Detachment and insecurity can actually go hand in hand.
You could be perfect at the art of controlling your emotions...well nearly perfect. You could tell yourself you know what you are doing. You could tell yourself you don't care...or that you can decide how much to. And perhaps you are not even pretending. Perhaps, over the years, you really have become rather good at drawing the line, compartmentalizing, not really caring too much about too many things anymore.
And then, while you are busy not caring, you realize you forgot to account for just how much of the 'not caring' is really a part of you, just how much of indifference can you really be ok with.
You happily traipse along life, wrapped in a secure cocoon of your detachment with people and relationships, actions and consequences. And then your bubble of smug confidence, of the conviction that nothing can really bother you coz you don't really care - is burst by one small incident, one phrase, one look - that you misread, perhaps.
You might still think you don't care. But the realization that you don't like the fact that the person in front of you might not care as well - and that it bothers you - puts paid to that self-deception. And the irony, your seeming control over your feelings and actions is probably what attracts those like-mined people in the first place.
Two detached people should make fantastic partners isn't it? Rather strange then, that detached relationships can sometimes be the ones that make you doubt yourself the most. That the absence of interest can sometimes stir up the most intense emotions. That the lack of feelings can lead to the most unexpected desires.
